Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
