this boner is exhausting
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize