She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
