I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
