handjob tips. give me some.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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