I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
