next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's never too late to be topless.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
