I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
