in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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