Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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