I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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