some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
