its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize