The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
