So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
