he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize