im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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