She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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