Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
