Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
