Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
