chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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