do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
