id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
