so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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