can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
