Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
