wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
