We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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