You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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