What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
