Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
