Sponge bath it is.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
