i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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