Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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