I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
