remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
