We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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