Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
