she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize