I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize