omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
