nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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