When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
