Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize