i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
