I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
