I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
