We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize