There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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