You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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