Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
