I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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