what day is it and did you see me today?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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