i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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