"it" just moved
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
