If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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