I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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