Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize