I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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