I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
