i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
