oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
