If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
