hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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