I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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